Monday, July 9, 2018

1d6 Kinds of Goblins

Maybe these are different species of goblin or just what goblins are like in the game you’re running tonight. I didn’t really put much thought into this and I might make a sequel, I dunno.

1. Feral: They wear loincloths and don’t really have a language beyond shrieking. They throw rocks and shit at you. Their tactics seem to be “Run at the humans and hit them with stuff and if they start to hurt me run away.”

2. Fey Children: They dress in tattered children’s clothes and have too wide smiles and long long fingers. They lure kids into the woods and eat them. 100% likely to sing creepily and giggle.

3. Humanoid Vermin: These things wear armor that looks like insect exoskeletons and they have a nasty habit of crawling on the walls. They communicate with clicking noises and probably have a queen.

4. Cave Apes: Naked, they pound their chests like gorillas and look like shaved chimps with sharp teeth, wide heads, and long ears. Their weapons are primitive but they are surprisingly tactical. They’ll also throw shit at you like the ferals.

5. Throat slitters: Total bastards, have no sense of honor. Will lurk in the shadows and only attack when they have the advantage of numbers and their enemies are unaware and/or sleeping. Paint themselves in dung and cave slime.

6. Clowns: Fuck these guys. They suck, they have clown noses and stupid red wigs and they laugh all the time. Also they kill their victims in dumb but ironic ways. They are very loud and smell of buttered popcorn.

Bonus: 1 Kind Of Orc

Frankenorcs: These things were sewn together from pig and man flesh and you can tell. Their bodies still have stitches and ooze pus and blood. They kind of hop rather than run, since their legs are mismatched. Most of them can’t speak, and the few that can have a limited vocabulary of “Smash”, “Kill” or “Hate You”. They don’t really have any tactics beyond rushing at an enemy with no regard for their own lives, but are afraid of fire. The weapons they wield look like leftover hunks of iron that somebody stuck a handle on to, and their armor is bolted into their flesh.

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